Suicide attempts are never funny… but they are more expensive when horses try it.

Weekends seem to be a great time for certain sorrel mares to think they want some time off from their overly stressful brooding teenage life.

 Here is the story of how our precious little Jellybean tried (unsuccessfully) to kill herself, again.

On a crisp, bright fall morning in Bryan, Tx a young couple wakes up to a friday morning full of potential.  Breakfast is hot and delicious and coffee seems to waft through the air ass they prepare to trundle off to the university to continue slogging away on their dissertation research.  everything is grand!  Off they go, driving to work, and wouldn’t you know… a phone rings.

“Hello?” says Amanda.
“murmur… murmur… murmur” from the cryptic voice on the phone.
“She did WHAT?!?!”  exclaims Amanda.
“murmur…. murmur… MURMUR” from the phone.
“OK (sigh), we are on our way…” says a resigned Amanda.

Never ask what happened after a call like that.  Just turn the steering wheel and point the car toward the stable.

As it turns out the barn owner was on the other end of the line and she had some wonderful news!  Jellybean had attempted to end her poor, miserable, angst ridden, mistreated life by….. sticking her leg through a fence…. Yes folks, the horse could not come up with a better attempt than simply sticking her leg through a hole in the fence.  This pony is dumb by the way.

********BE WARNED GRAPHIC VET PICTURES FOLLOW THIS BREAK*****

We got to the stable with very little expectation of the damage she had done to herself.  Thankfully it appeared to be only the removal of several square inches of her skin.

Jellybean hair on the ground

Bent fence

So, we loaded her up in a trailer and ran her of to the horsey hospital at Texas A&M.  Woooo!  I can already feel the money flying out of the bank account! Once we arrive the show really begins.  First they take Jellybean’s vitals.  Just to make sure the horse that walked in is not, in fact, dead yet.  Then we got our own little, semi-private exam room.

Jellybean in the stocks…  yes she is ashamed.

After they made sure she was still alive and worth saving the vet got REAL intimate with the injury.  She said it was to check the joint and make sure everything was still intact.  Even my vet skills tell me that if a horse WALKS in under its own power, not sedated, and puts full weight on the leg everything should be fine. But, here is the vet feeling Jelly”s knee from the inside.

Yes, finger IN the skin down onto the knee.  EWWW!!!

After a lot of poking and prodding the vet finally let the students have their day.  The students shaved her leg and began vigorously scrubbing with betadiene to clean up the wound.  I think they went through 4-5 stacks of gauze and a gallon of betadiene solution but, here you have it a nice clean jellybean leg ready for some sutures.

Look at those legs!  Dang sexy! Glad she shaved for this one.

Now we get to the fun stuff!  Stitches time Jellybean!   Oh, and for those of you that don’t read often, she is HEAVILY sedated here.  there is no way she would stand for this crap otherwise.

Student stitches

Vet Stitches
Almost done

All Sewn up!

Now we get to see how well Texas A&M packages a horse for shipment 🙂  They don’t want her to rip her stitches out so we begin the long and laborious process of wrapping up a Jelly leg.

First Protect the wound

Then protect the protection

Then protect the protection used to protect the wound

Add a splint (a.k.a. 2×4) to protect her from moving her knee

Hold it right there. I need to DUCT TAPE that sucker on!

BOOM!!!! perfectly safe, perfectly sutured, perfectly unhappy pony.

Just so you don’t think i am completely heartless, here is a video of Jellybean learning to walk with her new peg leg.

And finally, one of her happily eating grass in the sun outside the vet school while waiting for her limo to take her home.

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